Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
