Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
