Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
