I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
