I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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