the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
