just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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