conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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