You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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