I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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