Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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