i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
