you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
