he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
