The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
