As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
