Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
