I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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