If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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