i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
