I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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