Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
