everyone is single if you try hard enough
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is my gift to your gina
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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