Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
