What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you never un-have a 4some
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
