OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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