my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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