u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
