She's JV to your varsity
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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