Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
