We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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