I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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