Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
