he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am naked and annoyed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
