i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
