M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
