So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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