rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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