Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
