Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
