I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
