if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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