Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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