guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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