remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
