he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
