Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
