she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
