You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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