I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
