just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
