We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
